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Funny Quotes from TV and Movies
(as he prepares to murder a Cardinal)
Father, if God has issues, they won't be with what I have done. They'll be with what I am about to do.
- Assassin (Nikolai Lie Kass), Angels & Demons
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Quotes from Salt
(she is interviewing a Russian defector who tells her that the name of the spy planted years ago is Evelyn Salt. She says, 'My name is Evelyn Salt,' to which the Russian replies) "Then you are a Russian spy." - Evelyn Salt
Quotes from Killers
(after finding out that Sencer is a spy she says) "I can't believe that I married a spy. What am I, Pussy Galore?" - Jennifer Kornfeldt
Quotes from Splice
(after a speciman escapes into the lab, Elsa Kast screams, 'What was that?') "A mistake." - Clive Nicoli
Quotes from Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
(King Sharaman tells her that in all of his travels he has never seen a more beautiful city, to which she replies) "You should have seen it before your horde of camel riding illiterates decended upon it." - Princess Tamina
Quotes from MacGruber
(MacGruber tells him he looks like he's in good shape and he then tells Mac that he looks fit also) "Well, every day's a workout when you have to carry around a twenty pound python in your genes!" - Prospective Recruit
Quotes from MacGruber
(Vicki asks him where have you been. He says "sorry, I just took an upper decker". Vicki says "upper decker?") "Yeah, that's when you take a dump in the water tank and not the bowl!" - MacGruber
Quotes from Robin Hood
(asking Lady Loxley about her late husband he inquires, 'A good knight?' to which she quips 'It was short but sweet.' Robin replies) "No, I meant, he was a good knight?" - Robin Hood
Quotes from City Island
(reacting to his mother's suggestion that they go to visit the botanical gardens) "Botanical Gradens, you're serious about going? Understand that there are much more interesting things that we can do. We could tie ourselves to the couch and watch the food network for 48 hours straight or something like that and maybe afterwards we could take a tour of the zip lock bag factory, that would be fun!" - Vince Jr.
Quotes from Iron Man 2
(After Senator Stern tells him that he is no expert on prostitution Tony replies) "Of course not, you're a SENATOR! Come on!" - Tony Stark
Quotes from Iron Man 2
(messing with the guests at his party) "You know the question I get asked most often is, 'Tony, how do you go to the bathroom in that suit?' (Tony makes a face of relief and says) Just like that!" - Tony Stark
Quotes from A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010
(meeting Freddy Krueger in his dreams for the first time he cries, 'Oh, God!' to which Krueger replies) "No, just me!" - Jesse Braun
Quotes from Kick-Ass
(talking about Kick-Ass) "He's good at getting his ass k i c k e d. He should call himself Ass-Kicked instead." - Damon Macready
Quotes from Kick-Ass
(explaining his idea of what it takes to be a super hero) "The comic books had it all wrong. It didn't take a trauma or cosmic rays or a power ring to make a superhero. It's just a perfect combination of optimism and naivete." - Dave 'Kick-Ass' Lizewski
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City Island
(reacting to his mother's suggestion that they go to visit the botanical gardens) "Botanical Gradens, you're serious about going? Understand that there are much more interesting things that we can do. We could tie ourselves to the couch and watch the food network for 48 hours straight or something like that and maybe afterwards we could take a tour of the zip lock bag factory, that would be fun!" - Vince Jr. (more quotes from City Island)
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Avatar
(briefing his marines) "You are not in Kansas anymore. You are on Pandora, ladies and gentlemen. Respect that fact every second of every day. If there is a hell, you might want to go there for some R&R after a tour of Pandora. Out there beyond that fence, every living thing that crawls, flies or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes like Jujubees." - Colonel Miles Quaritch (more quotes from Avatar)
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Date Night
(making fun of other diners in a restaurant she interperts what the woman is saying by telling Phil) "Can we go home and fart into a shoe box?" - Claire Foster (more quotes from Date Night)
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Edge of Darkness
(talking with Thomas Craven as he is taking his medication) "Pills, pills, pills - not like when we were kids - it was pills, pills, pills of a very different context." - Darius Jedburgh (more quotes from Edge of Darkness)
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From Paris With Love
(as he and Reese are fighting a drug gang, Reese asks "how many more do you think there are?") "Last census, about a billion." - Charlie Wax (more quotes from From Paris With Love)
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Invictus
(being interviewed by a sportscaster) "People don't realize that I played rugby myself. It is a very rough game, almost as rough as politics." - Nelson Mandela (more quotes from Invictus)
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It's Complicated
(talking with the girls about not having enough sex) "Okay, I don't know if this is true but I read online about a woman who hadn't done it in so long that her vagina closed up. I swear to God, it grew back together. She had to have a "vaginaplasty."" - Joanne (more quotes from It's Complicated)
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Legion
(after he scolds the pregnant Charlie for smoking and tells her he quit two years ago, she asks him why he still carries his fancy lighter) "It's a gift from my ex wife, sentimental. I want to remember how much I hate her guts." - Bob Hanson (more quotes from Legion)
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Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
(Percy and his friends ask him to take them across the river into Hades) "Who are you? The living are not permitted here, die and come back." - Charon, ferryman of the River Styx (more quotes from Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief)
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Shutter Island
(she is a mental patient who is told by Marshal Daniels that she seems quite normal in comparison to the other patients) "Well I have my dark days, I suppose everybody does. The difference is that most people don't kill their husbands with an axe." - Bridget Kearns (more quotes from Shutter Island)
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The Blind Side
(Leigh Anne asks, "You bought him a truck?") "Yeah, Michael thinks he's a redneck." - Sean Tuohy (more quotes from The Blind Side)
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The Sandlot
"You're killing me, Smalls!" - Ham Porter (more quotes from The Sandlot)
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